Hibernate

The more I listen and read the more I see how everyone seems to be going through similar conflicts with their friends. People feel abandoned, used, drained, betrayed, and hurt all the way around. This may stem from mis-communications, lack of understanding, high expectations, or lack of insight. Haven't we all experienced one or more of the above at least once in our lives? As humans we search for trust, care, and love in the people we surround ourselves with. People put high expectations on their friends because they feel like friends are supposed to be there for you. Through thick and thin, and have all the battle scars tended to. The problem starts when one person miscommunicates or cannot be there. What happens? The other person will either figure out where things went wrong, understand that realistically a friend will never always be there, or they'll get angry.

It seems to be easier for many people to get angry. It's a defense mechanism. We get angry and we'll either shut down emotionally or lash out. Our society seems to encourage hiding your emotions rather than being truly honest with how you are feeling. Instead, I encourage you to look inside yourself. Ask yourself, why am I angry? Where is this anger coming from? We all have inner turmoil that we need to face in our own time. We can have guides to help us take on these demons, but no one can do it for us. We have to want the change, and we have to want to be free of it to be happy. Again, no one can do it for us, no friend. Friends can help us along the way, but don't get angry if you get let down. We should cultivate our own inner peace and happiness, and not put that responsibility on others. I have a "safe friend" I go to when I'm annoyed. They don't help me with my problems though, they're really more of a distraction. Some of my other friends encourage me to voice how I am feeling so that I don't go into my familiar/uncomfortable place of harboring feelings. This is to avoid conflict.

"Which do you prefer, the pain of growth or the pain of staying where you are?" -J.H. Lasater...Finding inner peace will be painful in the beginning, but it can be done. I'm still coming to terms with everything that I have been through, and all the drama games I replay in my head. "Meditate on the Self. You are of no good to others if you can not see clearly. Which is exactly what I am going to go do....." -Monica Louise Sweeney. All of the conflict we put ourselves through, and what other people put us through can, in the end, be a very beautiful part of learning. It is in the most difficult of times in our lives that define who are, and allows us to grow if we decide to see it like that. Even when something dies, something new is born. It would be unrealistic to think a friendship will always remain perfect.

So what happens when you try and try and try to reconnect, but keep getting slapped in the face? If someone isn't ready to take the dive into themselves, and you have tried to show them this...maybe it is better to take the training wheels off? I feel like I had to learn this the hard way. I ran away to Savannah, and I knew no one there. Now returning after so many years I feel like I have a better understanding of where I was at when I left, and where my friends were coming from. Sometimes, it takes time to grow and self reflect.

By no means, am I saying that you should do this now or you're a bad person, but I do encourage everyone to look in themselves. No one is a bad person, and compassion is not blind. Compassion is meant for all however difficult it may be at times to give compassion. So I say, lets hibernate and focus on taking care of ourselves, and then come alive and share what we found in the spring.

Release and let go of whatever may be troubling you. Say fuck it and relax. Breathe. Love. Learn. Live. Laugh. Grow.