Leap of Faith

Before Inception came out I knew I was going to want to write a review on it. It's just that, I didn't know what kind of an effect it was going to have on me. Honestly, I don't know of any film to inspire me like Inception did. The film isn't, in my opinion, meant to be reviewed...more than it is meant to be discussed. And like most great art pieces, everyone has their own equally fascinating interpretation all which are possible.

Ever since I moved back from Savannah, Georgia I've been almost in a constant struggle with inner and outer conflicts. A friend put it quite perfectly, "you're holding yourself hostage." And I do, we all do to some extent. We hold ourselves hostage by sad memories or regret..things that for whatever reason we refuse to let go of. This is something that the main character in Inception goes through. He's haunted by his wife, and I am haunted by my Uncle. In a few days it will have been sixteen years since he took his life, and I still think about him regularly. I think he must have been the first person I genuinely loved. I don't remember much of my mother growing up, but I remember him like a father and he showed me the affection a child should receive growing up. To be stripped of that when I was six, and not being able to understand why anyone would do that or why the several other people in my life have chose to end theirs...did strange things to me. I don't know why it's been so hard for me to let go, but recently I've found that I think I'm closer to it.

Several things seem to be falling into place lately. After visiting Cleveland, I feel refreshed. It had been so long since I have laughed that hard and smiled for that long. I allowed myself to get vulnerable in front of two friends, people who've known me for close to ten years, and yet finally got a glimpse of who I am. And for that experience and all the other experiences I've shared with them since I knew them, both bad and good, I love them deeply. I am creating new memories and new enlightenments on how to live my life, because of this I am slowly being able to let go of all my inner struggles and most of the outer.

I use to think on occasion how nice it'd be to join my Uncle, and I'd smile and cry at the thought because of how much I miss him. Instead of continually holding myself hostage to that idea, I need to grow on my new memories. Like Inception, "I think negative emotions are always trumped by positive emotions." This couldn't be more true. I'm more and more learning to live simply, be a big kid, and enjoy life instead of being weighted down by my worries and memories. Instead of being held hostage of the idea that I'm a bother to my friends, I'm not good enough, or I could kill myself to be free...I could learn from all this, and live for myself and for the people I love.

The book I'm also currently reading in a way also parallels with the messages I've gained from Inception. It deals with how we become we who are by facing up to the things that happened to us as children. I think I lost track of who I really was a long time ago, and I'm starting to re-learn a lot of these things. Something as simple as a smile and a real hug use to be rare and difficult, now are almost as crucial as food and air. The more I question, the more I want take more leaps of faith.

I just could not be more grateful for how my life is unfolding, and I believe I've only scratched surface. I'm not perfect, and I have a long way to go. I still fall back into being held hostage because sadly it feels so familiar that I trick myself into thinking that it's comfortable. It's until I have a 'kick' to wake myself up from it. I'm not only learning about all this, but explaining on here my views of Inception in relation to myself. It would take me watching it several more times to fully discuss all the aspects of Inception, but for now this has been therapeutic to write.